To my dog

Dear Bagel,

Since you came into our lives a little over a year ago, we have been through a lot together.

First, there was the peeing on the carpet.

I forgave you.

After all, you had been to so many different, unloving homes before you found us, I assumed you were just working through the transition. A loving family with a big backyard and three wonderful children to play with was like a dream come true. I probably would have wet my pants, too.

Then came the toy chewing.

I forgave you (although the kids did not.)

After all, we have had too many toys. Besides, they were laying all over the floor. How were you supposed to know that they were not for chewing? This period of family life soon earned the codename "The Great Toy Reduction Campaign". We couldn't have done it without you.

Then came the barking.

I forgave you (although the neighbors did not.)

After all, you are a beagle, and it is in your nature to bark. You can bark all you want until that pesky neighbor with the rooster and the little dogs that sh*! poop all over our yard moves.

Like I said, we have been through a lot:

• You amazed us with the improvements you made at doggy camp.

• You astounded us by tolerating birthday parties.

• You became "the good dog" when Mocha moved in.

• You slept in the oldest sons' bed when he needed some extra love.

But then...

One day, you went too far...



THIS is by NO means acceptable behaviour.

You are banished.

Forever.

You are now a downstairs dog with the other one.
You will sleep in a kennel.
And you will stop barking ALL NIGHT LONG.

These changes are effective immediately. If you feel these changes are unfair, you may speak with my manager.

With love and affection,
Mommy